Funny Things to Tell People Youre Going to Do to Them

85 Corny Jokes Everyone Will Laugh at to Celebrate National Tell a Joke Day

No kidding: You're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—they're ideal for celebrating National Tell a Joke Day on August 16.

1 / 86

ham sandwich Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here." For even more laughs, check out the funniest jokes of all time that you'll want to share with everyone you know.

3 / 86

clydesdale Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. It's okay, we all laugh at bad jokes—they're actually hilarious!

5 / 86

alligator detective Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. If you thought this was funny, you'll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.

6 / 86

scarecrow award Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Find the funniest joke ever with these daily life jokes you'll want to share.

7 / 86

talking muffin Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!" Don't forget to read these funny tweets for more laughs.

8 / 86

soccer match Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. Here are some short jokes for kids that anyone can remember—and they're pretty funny!

9 / 86

broken pencil Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless. Don't think that's the funniest joke ever? These are the one-liners we know you'll love.

10 / 86

bird flu swine flu Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. Here are more "what's the difference between" jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

11 / 86

athlete's foot Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes. Thought that was good? These plant puns will knock your stalks off.

12 / 86

foul play Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, "You mean, he was playing with birds?"

13 / 86

brown and sticky Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's brown and sticky? A stick. Need more laughs? These Laffy Taffy jokes will sweeten your day.

15 / 86

break a leg Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why do people say "break a leg" when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.

16 / 86

karate pig Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. Here are some pig puns that are sure to make you snort.

17 / 86

ghost hearing Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.

18 / 86

cemetery gates Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.

19 / 86

seagulls Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

20 / 86

computers overheat Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.

21 / 86

music planets Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes. Check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.

22 / 86

chicken broth Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

23 / 86

sticky hair Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

24 / 86

rabbits travel Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes. Find the funniest joke for your Christmas party with these holiday jokes.

25 / 86

vampire sick Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.

27 / 86

fake spaghetti Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.

28 / 86

yoga landlord Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.

29 / 86

charging bull Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

30 / 86

mushroom party Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. Memorize these short corny jokes to be the hit at your next party.

31 / 86

farmer award Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

32 / 86

birds stick together Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

33 / 86

sea monsters eat Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

34 / 86

nose 12 inches Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot

35 / 86

ocean shore Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved. These clever jokes will make you sound smart.

36 / 86

tomato race Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.

37 / 86

golfer pants Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

38 / 86

factory good products Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

39 / 86

barber race Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

40 / 86

cows like to read Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs. Don't forget to check out our other hilarious cow jokes!

41 / 86

chicken coop Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

42 / 86

sleeping dinosaur Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore. If you thought that was good, check out these other hilarious dinosaur jokes.

43 / 86

pile of cats Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain. These cat memes will make you laugh every time.

44 / 86

four wheels Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

45 / 86

poker jungle Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why don't they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

46 / 86

corduroy pillow Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It's making headlines! These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

47 / 86

drop a piano Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

48 / 86

duck lipstick Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill. Check out more duck jokes that'll quack you up.

49 / 86

frogs happy Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

50 / 86

one hat Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.

52 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

53 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.

54 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What do horses say when they fall? Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy up. You'll laugh out loud at these other corny jokes about animals.

55 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well. Keep the laughs coming with these hilarious fruit puns.

56 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why can't you trust duck doctors? They're all quacks. Memorize these other hilarious animal puns.

57 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

58 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I'm coming down with something.

59 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What do you call shoes made of banana peels? Slippers.

60 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.

61 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

62 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.

63 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle. Science takes on new meanings in these 16 hilarious physics jokes.

64 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.

65 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks! Here are more of our favorite corny jokes.

67 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.

68 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers.

70 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up, just like these egg puns will crack you up.

71 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

72 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Never buy anything with Velcro. It's a total rip-off.

73 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it. Learn the secrets to telling a great joke.

75 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits. Need more laughs? These work from home jokes will do the trick.

76 / 86

Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

77 / 86

corny joke bar tender Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

A termite walks into the bar and asks , "Is  the bar tender here?"

78 / 86

corny joke doctor broken arm Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

79 / 86

corny joke pizza oven Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's the best way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.

80 / 86

corny joke irish wealthy Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.  These puns will become your new favorite corny jokes.

81 / 86

corny joke cat lives Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night.

82 / 86

corny jones father in law Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.

83 / 86

corny joke meet expenses Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

84 / 86

corny joke psychokinesis Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.

85 / 86

corny joke parsley farmer Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

86 / 86

corny joke step ladder Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.  If you love these corny jokes, try some of these cartoons about family life that will make yours seem less crazy.

dangelogookishe1942.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.rd.com/list/funny-jokes-national-tell-joke-day/

0 Response to "Funny Things to Tell People Youre Going to Do to Them"

Post a Comment

Iklan Atas Artikel

Iklan Tengah Artikel 1

Iklan Tengah Artikel 2

Iklan Bawah Artikel